I'm going to return Annette's favor and refer you to her blog (Annie's Gleanings on my sidebar). It's basically an archive containing years of wisdom. On Sunday she put up a post titled "Testing." It's amazing and speaks directly to my life right now. I haven't known what to post for a few days because I'm still digesting it. If my previous post of "Waking Up" spoke to you, then you should definitely read it. I love how she hadn't read "Waking Up" until right after she posted it and realized how the posts were related. I've been to the hills. Maybe you have, too. Or maybe you need to go. As for me, I think I'm figuring out how to come back out of them. Thank you, Annette, for helping clarify my situation.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Waking Up
Yesterday this came up back to back on my Facebook news feed:
Nady: "Preocuparse es como mecerse en una silla de abuelita, te mantiene ocupado pero no te lleva a ningun lado! J.M."
Rebekah: "Worry is like rocking in a rocking chair all day. It keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. -Joyce Meyer"
I did a double take (for those of you who don't speak Spanish, they mean the same thing!). Nady is a XA missionary in Nicaragua. Rebekah is my cousin in Tennessee. They don't know each other. (I even checked out 'shared friends' to make sure!) I commented something to this effect on their posts and Nady replied, "God speaks!" I guess so! But it didn't come together for me until this morning.
In the less than a week that I've been back I've had plenty of time to worry. Particularly in the last couple days. I don't feel like it's been an overwhelming worry but just enough to be slowly creeping in on me and taking over my mind. "What if I messed something up and my loan and/or visa fails?" "What if UCL doesn't come through on housing?" "What if I'm missing something and I don't know it?" "What if London is still rioting when I get there?" "What if my undergrad was a fluke and I'm actually not a good student?"
The temptation to go stir crazy is there. I've always been busy. Life has been full-throttle. My mom has said on multiple occasions that I like to "burn the candle at both ends." I've never had the problem of what to do with down time because it didn't exist. Then all of a sudden this summer I've had a ton of it. My job contract was up at the beginning of May and I couldn't renew because I'd be leaving for school at the end of August. And right now particularly I have no idea what to do with myself! I've been trying to think of ways to make myself busy!
"So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:31-34
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30
This summer has been good for me. It's forced me to slow down. It's taken me out of the world of competitiveness and into the world of relearning how to have fun. It's allowed me to notice more of the little things. It's taken me out of town and into the middle of no where. I like the middle of no where. I missed it while I was gone! It's going to be really weird spending a school year in the heart of London! Who would've thought this city/suburbia girl would come to find the prospect of leaving 'her' country roads daunting?? Oh Farmville, what have you done to me?!
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and also trust in me."
-John 14:1
I fell asleep at eight last night and could've gotten up at four but forced myself to at least stay in bed until after five. I give up on not getting up early. I like the solitude of the predawn and the quiet excitement of a sunrise. The peace and stillness in the air walking Maddy this morning was amazing. She had a lot of energy, so we went all the way to the lake.
I sat on a floating dock for awhile, still enjoying the calm and remnants of early morning air, watching the reflection of the trees in the water. It occurred to me that the less I moved the less the water moved and the clearer the reflection became. That's when God spoke. "Each of those ripples is a worry. And each of them distorts my image, your reflection of me. It's only when you stop moving that the details can come into focus."
"Be still, and know that I am God!"
-Psalm 46:10
Wow, and here I've been trying to think of ways to move more! I don't really think of myself as a worry wart, but being still and not busy doesn't exactly come naturally to me. Within this last week I've become obsessed with Needtobreathe's song "Slumber." Here's a verse:
"Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes. "
I think for me it's the slumber of busyness that I'm waking up from. It's blinded me from the simple things in life. For so long everything has been performance driven and over the top competitive. The world of scholarships and championships. Everything I did was directly correlated in some way towards being the best at something and everything. Whether on the sports field, in the classroom, or at work, I had to be perfect. There was no excuse to get scored on, get a 98 instead of 100, or not be stronger/faster than the athletes I was training. Thinking about it all now makes my head spin! I think I've been in detox this summer!
I'm waking up to how you can play sports competitively, yet just for fun. I'm waking up to how a day can be considered 'good,' yet not 'productive.' I'm waking up to how you can have a lazy morning, yet not feel guilty. I'm waking up to how you should work hard, yet not hinge your life on results. I hope I keep waking up and don't get sucked back in when school starts. I hope the light will reflect clearly off of me.
"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
-John 14:27
Nady: "Preocuparse es como mecerse en una silla de abuelita, te mantiene ocupado pero no te lleva a ningun lado! J.M."
Rebekah: "Worry is like rocking in a rocking chair all day. It keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. -Joyce Meyer"
I did a double take (for those of you who don't speak Spanish, they mean the same thing!). Nady is a XA missionary in Nicaragua. Rebekah is my cousin in Tennessee. They don't know each other. (I even checked out 'shared friends' to make sure!) I commented something to this effect on their posts and Nady replied, "God speaks!" I guess so! But it didn't come together for me until this morning.
In the less than a week that I've been back I've had plenty of time to worry. Particularly in the last couple days. I don't feel like it's been an overwhelming worry but just enough to be slowly creeping in on me and taking over my mind. "What if I messed something up and my loan and/or visa fails?" "What if UCL doesn't come through on housing?" "What if I'm missing something and I don't know it?" "What if London is still rioting when I get there?" "What if my undergrad was a fluke and I'm actually not a good student?"
The temptation to go stir crazy is there. I've always been busy. Life has been full-throttle. My mom has said on multiple occasions that I like to "burn the candle at both ends." I've never had the problem of what to do with down time because it didn't exist. Then all of a sudden this summer I've had a ton of it. My job contract was up at the beginning of May and I couldn't renew because I'd be leaving for school at the end of August. And right now particularly I have no idea what to do with myself! I've been trying to think of ways to make myself busy!
"So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:31-34
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30
This summer has been good for me. It's forced me to slow down. It's taken me out of the world of competitiveness and into the world of relearning how to have fun. It's allowed me to notice more of the little things. It's taken me out of town and into the middle of no where. I like the middle of no where. I missed it while I was gone! It's going to be really weird spending a school year in the heart of London! Who would've thought this city/suburbia girl would come to find the prospect of leaving 'her' country roads daunting?? Oh Farmville, what have you done to me?!
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and also trust in me."
-John 14:1
I fell asleep at eight last night and could've gotten up at four but forced myself to at least stay in bed until after five. I give up on not getting up early. I like the solitude of the predawn and the quiet excitement of a sunrise. The peace and stillness in the air walking Maddy this morning was amazing. She had a lot of energy, so we went all the way to the lake.
I sat on a floating dock for awhile, still enjoying the calm and remnants of early morning air, watching the reflection of the trees in the water. It occurred to me that the less I moved the less the water moved and the clearer the reflection became. That's when God spoke. "Each of those ripples is a worry. And each of them distorts my image, your reflection of me. It's only when you stop moving that the details can come into focus."
"Be still, and know that I am God!"
-Psalm 46:10
Wow, and here I've been trying to think of ways to move more! I don't really think of myself as a worry wart, but being still and not busy doesn't exactly come naturally to me. Within this last week I've become obsessed with Needtobreathe's song "Slumber." Here's a verse:
"Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes. "
I think for me it's the slumber of busyness that I'm waking up from. It's blinded me from the simple things in life. For so long everything has been performance driven and over the top competitive. The world of scholarships and championships. Everything I did was directly correlated in some way towards being the best at something and everything. Whether on the sports field, in the classroom, or at work, I had to be perfect. There was no excuse to get scored on, get a 98 instead of 100, or not be stronger/faster than the athletes I was training. Thinking about it all now makes my head spin! I think I've been in detox this summer!
I'm waking up to how you can play sports competitively, yet just for fun. I'm waking up to how a day can be considered 'good,' yet not 'productive.' I'm waking up to how you can have a lazy morning, yet not feel guilty. I'm waking up to how you should work hard, yet not hinge your life on results. I hope I keep waking up and don't get sucked back in when school starts. I hope the light will reflect clearly off of me.
"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
-John 14:27
Friday, August 5, 2011
English Camp 2011: Return
After three days of travel amounting to four flights, two bus rides, a handful of taxis, and the Hong Kong airport express train, I arrived in DC around 7pm yesterday. Now after sweet, sweet sleep and a run, I'm happily stuffed with pumpkin pancakes and freshly brewed coffee!
Not really sure where to begin with this post. I think I'm still processing things. This morning's run was glorious. FRESH air and BLUE sky. I woke up at 6am, when the sun was still low in the sky and a crispness was still in the air, thankful that I had managed to sleep until after the sunrise began. Not bad for the first night back.
"The sun rises like an athlete EAGER TO RUN the race." -Psalm 19:5
Originally I thought that maybe I should take a day of complete rest today, but after sitting for so long traveling I was itching to stretch my legs. Immediately when I stepped out the door I was struck by the smell of grass and soil. I could hear the distant, roaring hum of I-95, yet my immediate surroundings consisted of bird song and chirping crickets. Setting out on my run, I enjoyed a feeling of anonymity. I was just another person out for an early morning run. Nothing special. Nothing weird. Nothing to be stared at. After running, I was so giddy that I had to get on my knees and stick my face into the grass of my mom's front yard. If suburbia seems so incredibly fresh and clean to me right now, I wonder what Farmville is going to feel like Sunday!
"For you have been called to live in FREEDOM, my brothers and sisters..." -Galations 5:13
Something else refreshing is the ability to speak freely. I was so thankful to arrive in Hong Kong Wednesday evening, meet up with Tracy, and speak about what God is doing in our lives without the use of code! It was awkward at first, but slowly the burden lifted and I finally felt like I could adequately express myself. What a great blessing we have to be able to speak the name of Jesus and heavenly things both freely and openly. We don't have to meet in secret or refer to him generally as "he," "the boss," or "our father." We don't have to feel out whether or not someone is a spy from the government sent to report on us before we open up to them.
While it's true that we are always free in Christ, there is something to be said about being free of government persecution. I had the chance to meet and work with some AG missionaries this time around and found out a missionary and his family I met at the first World Missions Summit had gotten kicked out of the country. They served in a particularly sensitive part of the country. Jail time was involved. They now serve in Eurasia.
There's something to be said about not having to rejoice and cringe when a student shouts out in class "About Jesus!" on the last day when posed with the question of "What did you learn at English Camp?" and you start to pray that it's not repeated in the wrong context.
"Let there be LIGHT in the darkness..." -2 Corinthians 4:6
I had the chance to meet up with old friends and to make new ones. Our time was spent encouraging those who believe, speaking truth to someone who had never heard, and very often simply being salt and light, an example, in the way we live.
"We now have this light SHINING in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." -2 Corinthians 4:7
It's not that we shine of our own goodness, but that we reflect the SON. When people recognize that there's something different about us by the way we live and not just the way we speak, that's when the light makes it easier to see and the salt gives a stronger taste. That's when people wonder at how much this group of foreigners who, for the most part, just met each other can love each other so much.
"I mean I love the place but it's kinda the middle of nowhere." -Rebecca
English Camp doesn't exactly take place in a developed area. We do bucket laundry, teach in non-air conditioned classrooms, watch roosters peck at trash on the street in the morning, ride in sanluns, marvel at all the non-car traffic and how it doesn't follow any rules and yet for the most part doesn't crash, get excited if something even remotely resembles ice cream, don't drink the water, carry our own toilet paper and always watch our step lest we fall into the squatty potty while showering.
This lays the groundwork for adventures and storytelling, but doesn't exactly create an environment where you always feel like giving 100%. It brings the temptation to focus on your own needs and discomforts rather than the needs of others.
"...And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ's AMBASSADORS..."
-2 Corinthians 5:18-20
"So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have the OPPORTUNITY, we should do good to everyone..." -Galatians 6:9-10
I know I definitely get tired while I'm there and have to constantly remind myself that soon this opportunity will be gone and I won't be able to get it back. Some of these people I might see again, but most of them I probably will not. What impression am I going to leave with them? Am I investing myself in them or just going through the motions of camp? Am I using my free time to their benefit or to mine? Of course you can't let yourself burnout or you're of no use to anybody, but I think at camp that line has got to be pushed if you're going to do the most good possible in a short amount of time to feed hungry hearts.
"Sing a NEW SONG to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!" -Psalm 96:1
We had an interesting new song at English camp this year. Not new as in no one has ever sung it before, but new as in it, and nothing of its kind, has never been heard at English camp before. It was the worship song "All in All." And the interesting thing is that it was chosen by students. Class One sang it together at English Song Night (our closing event). When asked where they had heard it before they said "the Internet." When one of our team asked the girl who found it if she's a Christian she said, "Lots of people aren't in [this country]." Such a political answer.
Our leader decided that the chorus should be edited for them to sing it to avoid any controversy, but the verses were kept the same. And the whole class listened to the real thing over and over and over again to learn it! Such a blessing to see!
After camp, I traveled to another city to see friends I met while studying language there two years ago. I'm so glad they're doing well and that their fellowship is growing.
On my way home, I had a night to spend in Hong Kong. I spent it with Tracy, a Hong Kong native that was part of the 2009 English Camp team. It was great to catch up with her over amazing mango frozen yogurt and the night lights of Victoria Harbour. I'd missed seeing the lights on our way in this year because I was sick. It turned out that she was flying out of Hong Kong at nearly the same time as me the next morning for a mission trip to Cambodia, so we got to travel to the airport together in the morning! It was so awesome to be with her team as they prayed in the airport and to watch the fire in the eyes of the tiny little woman who is her pastor. They were speaking Cantonese, so I didn't understand them. Tracy was asked to introduce me. I don't know what she said, but they were all smiley and welcoming to me. It was a surreal moment to be returning from a mission and watching another team departing on one. Especially a team that comes from a people group many people send missionaries to. GLORIOUS.
Not really sure where to begin with this post. I think I'm still processing things. This morning's run was glorious. FRESH air and BLUE sky. I woke up at 6am, when the sun was still low in the sky and a crispness was still in the air, thankful that I had managed to sleep until after the sunrise began. Not bad for the first night back.
"The sun rises like an athlete EAGER TO RUN the race." -Psalm 19:5
Originally I thought that maybe I should take a day of complete rest today, but after sitting for so long traveling I was itching to stretch my legs. Immediately when I stepped out the door I was struck by the smell of grass and soil. I could hear the distant, roaring hum of I-95, yet my immediate surroundings consisted of bird song and chirping crickets. Setting out on my run, I enjoyed a feeling of anonymity. I was just another person out for an early morning run. Nothing special. Nothing weird. Nothing to be stared at. After running, I was so giddy that I had to get on my knees and stick my face into the grass of my mom's front yard. If suburbia seems so incredibly fresh and clean to me right now, I wonder what Farmville is going to feel like Sunday!
"For you have been called to live in FREEDOM, my brothers and sisters..." -Galations 5:13
Something else refreshing is the ability to speak freely. I was so thankful to arrive in Hong Kong Wednesday evening, meet up with Tracy, and speak about what God is doing in our lives without the use of code! It was awkward at first, but slowly the burden lifted and I finally felt like I could adequately express myself. What a great blessing we have to be able to speak the name of Jesus and heavenly things both freely and openly. We don't have to meet in secret or refer to him generally as "he," "the boss," or "our father." We don't have to feel out whether or not someone is a spy from the government sent to report on us before we open up to them.
While it's true that we are always free in Christ, there is something to be said about being free of government persecution. I had the chance to meet and work with some AG missionaries this time around and found out a missionary and his family I met at the first World Missions Summit had gotten kicked out of the country. They served in a particularly sensitive part of the country. Jail time was involved. They now serve in Eurasia.
There's something to be said about not having to rejoice and cringe when a student shouts out in class "About Jesus!" on the last day when posed with the question of "What did you learn at English Camp?" and you start to pray that it's not repeated in the wrong context.
"Let there be LIGHT in the darkness..." -2 Corinthians 4:6
I had the chance to meet up with old friends and to make new ones. Our time was spent encouraging those who believe, speaking truth to someone who had never heard, and very often simply being salt and light, an example, in the way we live.
"We now have this light SHINING in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." -2 Corinthians 4:7
It's not that we shine of our own goodness, but that we reflect the SON. When people recognize that there's something different about us by the way we live and not just the way we speak, that's when the light makes it easier to see and the salt gives a stronger taste. That's when people wonder at how much this group of foreigners who, for the most part, just met each other can love each other so much.
"I mean I love the place but it's kinda the middle of nowhere." -Rebecca
English Camp doesn't exactly take place in a developed area. We do bucket laundry, teach in non-air conditioned classrooms, watch roosters peck at trash on the street in the morning, ride in sanluns, marvel at all the non-car traffic and how it doesn't follow any rules and yet for the most part doesn't crash, get excited if something even remotely resembles ice cream, don't drink the water, carry our own toilet paper and always watch our step lest we fall into the squatty potty while showering.
This lays the groundwork for adventures and storytelling, but doesn't exactly create an environment where you always feel like giving 100%. It brings the temptation to focus on your own needs and discomforts rather than the needs of others.
"...And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ's AMBASSADORS..."
-2 Corinthians 5:18-20
"So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have the OPPORTUNITY, we should do good to everyone..." -Galatians 6:9-10
I know I definitely get tired while I'm there and have to constantly remind myself that soon this opportunity will be gone and I won't be able to get it back. Some of these people I might see again, but most of them I probably will not. What impression am I going to leave with them? Am I investing myself in them or just going through the motions of camp? Am I using my free time to their benefit or to mine? Of course you can't let yourself burnout or you're of no use to anybody, but I think at camp that line has got to be pushed if you're going to do the most good possible in a short amount of time to feed hungry hearts.
"Sing a NEW SONG to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!" -Psalm 96:1
We had an interesting new song at English camp this year. Not new as in no one has ever sung it before, but new as in it, and nothing of its kind, has never been heard at English camp before. It was the worship song "All in All." And the interesting thing is that it was chosen by students. Class One sang it together at English Song Night (our closing event). When asked where they had heard it before they said "the Internet." When one of our team asked the girl who found it if she's a Christian she said, "Lots of people aren't in [this country]." Such a political answer.
Our leader decided that the chorus should be edited for them to sing it to avoid any controversy, but the verses were kept the same. And the whole class listened to the real thing over and over and over again to learn it! Such a blessing to see!
After camp, I traveled to another city to see friends I met while studying language there two years ago. I'm so glad they're doing well and that their fellowship is growing.
On my way home, I had a night to spend in Hong Kong. I spent it with Tracy, a Hong Kong native that was part of the 2009 English Camp team. It was great to catch up with her over amazing mango frozen yogurt and the night lights of Victoria Harbour. I'd missed seeing the lights on our way in this year because I was sick. It turned out that she was flying out of Hong Kong at nearly the same time as me the next morning for a mission trip to Cambodia, so we got to travel to the airport together in the morning! It was so awesome to be with her team as they prayed in the airport and to watch the fire in the eyes of the tiny little woman who is her pastor. They were speaking Cantonese, so I didn't understand them. Tracy was asked to introduce me. I don't know what she said, but they were all smiley and welcoming to me. It was a surreal moment to be returning from a mission and watching another team departing on one. Especially a team that comes from a people group many people send missionaries to. GLORIOUS.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
English Camp 2011: Departure
My 2010 English Camp Class
At precisely 11:10am tomorrow (July 14) I will be Hong Kong bound, en route to entering a country closed to the the Christian gospel. This will be my fifth trip and fourth English Camp. The trips have ranged from two weeks to six months. This trip is only three weeks (return Aug 4).
I would like to make note that, except for possibly the first couple days spent in HK, I will not be in contact. For starters, Blogger and Facebook are blocked, so that's not even an option. Second, it's just best not to risk tripping the firewall.
I would also like to ask all of you to PRAY! Not everyone can go or give but everyone can pray! Here are some things you can be lifting up:
For the team: safe travels, health (physical and spiritual), bonding, flexibility
For the camp: building of meaningful relationships, that they learn English but also something about Christ whether this is merely though having the chance to see and interact with Christians or through conversation, FLEXIBILITY
For returning team members: the chance to build upon previously established relationships
For long-term missionaries: that the camp continues to give them increased stability in remaining within the community
For the community: that a church will be raised
For me: health (I would prefer not to visit any more of their hospitals and to come back with all of my organs!), endurance/strength (I like to be social but camp can drain it right out of me!), quick recollection of language skills that are a bit rusty, ability to be a leader, ability to teach, sensitivity to the needs around me, wisdom, discernment
For the camp: building of meaningful relationships, that they learn English but also something about Christ whether this is merely though having the chance to see and interact with Christians or through conversation, FLEXIBILITY
For returning team members: the chance to build upon previously established relationships
For long-term missionaries: that the camp continues to give them increased stability in remaining within the community
For the community: that a church will be raised
For me: health (I would prefer not to visit any more of their hospitals and to come back with all of my organs!), endurance/strength (I like to be social but camp can drain it right out of me!), quick recollection of language skills that are a bit rusty, ability to be a leader, ability to teach, sensitivity to the needs around me, wisdom, discernment
"Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me"*
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the brokenhearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see"**
*Matthew West "My Own Little World"
**Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me"*
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the brokenhearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see"**
*Matthew West "My Own Little World"
**Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Daydreams
"Finishing is better than starting.
Patience is better than pride...
Don't long for 'the good old days.'
This is not wise...
Accept the way God does things,
for who can straighten what he has made crooked?"
-Ecclesiastes 7:8,10,13
This makes me think of one of the few journal entries that can actually be found in a journal I used to try to keep. It was a poem that ended in “I don’t know/ How to let go.” In the midst of moving things I’m not really sure where it is at the moment, but I can tell you that it was sometime in the graduating from Longwood/arriving in China for a “year” time period of 2009. Now here I am in 2011 leaving Longwood once again, but this time for a year in London.
It amazes me how much we as human beings are willing to get lost in daydreams and then when they actually happen we still want to cling to the familiarity of our present reality. Maybe it’s because in our daydreams we control everything. We see our daydreams as safe, controlled environments because those worlds fit our ideals and our friends and family behave as we hope and wish. It becomes our so-called perfect world, whether it be the “good old days” of the past (even though they, too, had their share of troubles that we conveniently “forget”) or our unrealistic future.
We escape into these worlds. But this is not “safe” because in reality we can’t control everything. People don’t always do what we want and events don’t happen as we imagine. Then we become disappointed in reality because we’ve created an alternate reality that can never be true. We’ve created what we believe to be the best and perfect life for ourselves. We’ve created a world where we are God. And this is dangerous.
Satan wants us to do this. We heard this on Sunday: “The enemy focuses on the things you don’t have instead of focusing on what God has blessed you with.” He wants us to “long for the good old days” so that we become depressed with how different today is. If we’re depressed with how different today is because we’re longing for blessings of the past then we miss the blessings of the present. And there ARE blessings of the present. There always are. Just like there ARE blessings of the future. They are better than we can imagine for ourselves because God dreamed them. And if we can’t see them, God is yearning for us to ask him to show them to us.
So is all daydreaming bad? I don’t think so. Daydreaming WITHOUT God is bad. Daydreaming WITH God is good.
“Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” – Joshua 1:8
“Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.” – Psalms 1:1-2
This word meditate comes from the Hebrew word hagah, meaning to imagine, to study, and to muse. This is contemplation, reflection, and trying to discern the meaning or significance of something. Christian meditation is not the transcendental meditation found in many other religions. It’s fixing your mind on things of God. It can be dreaming with God.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” – Philippians 4:8
Basically, “longing for the good old days” and daydreaming about unholy things (including controlling our own future) boil down to a lack of trust in God. It’s saying, “Hey God, I don’t think you have anything else good for me” or “Hey God, I don’t think you can do any better than that” or “Hey God, I know what’s perfect for me more than you do.”
Biblical meditation is filling your mind with Biblical truths. This can mean dreaming with God about how they have played out, are playing out, or will play out in your life. Daydreaming with God about what he thinks about your life and what he wants you to do is a good thing.
So as I look at my departure date I have three options: long for the good old days and get depressed, try to plan out my ‘perfect’ year and get stressed when it doesn’t happen that way, or ask God to help me understand his dream for this chapter in life and rest in his perfect plan and wisdom. I’m thinking the last one is the better option! So if someone catches me in the other two, please knock me to my senses!!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Running Etiquette
Yesterday was a nice relaxing 4th on the Sowell family boat, anchoring on the Potomac with a perfect view of the Washington Monument, the 14th Street Bridge, and FIREWORKS! And delicious gluten free cupcakes and cookies thanks to my fellow glutenologist Kelly... perhaps you had to have been there ;)
But that's not what this post is about. I came up with the idea for this post during my morning run before getting on the boat. It occurred to me that running etiquette in Northern Virginia and Farmville are different. And then add China to the list and, well, you'll see...
Running Etiquette: Farmville
1. Thou shalt wave and greet everything that moves. This includes vehicles of all types, coming from any direction (unless you are within the three or so blocks of 'downtown'), as well as every person that gets a visual on you, whether they look sketchy or not.
2. Thou shalt run onto the shoulder when facing an oncoming car, not because there is no room on the road but because the driver has not grasped the concept of moving to the middle even though there are no lines or other traffic to be seen.
Running Etiquette: Northern Virginia
1. Thou shalt wave or greet other pedestrians, or if in a crowded place only other runners. Do not wave at vehicles unless you specifically know the driver. If someone looks sketchy, ignore them.
2. Thou shalt run onto the shoulder when facing oncoming traffic because there is always traffic coming from the other direction as well and they can't move over. This is usually not a problem though because of the infrastructure of sidewalks and bike paths.
Running Etiquette: China
1. Thou shalt look straight ahead and ignore all manner of person and traffic. This is best achieved as a foreigner by wearing sunglasses and head phones. Then you don't look open to conversation and they don't see that you're looking around and you will be able to accomplish your run.
2. Thou shalt force all manner of traffic to conform to you. Do not change your trajectory or speed to avoid a vehicle. This will cause them to hit you because it is expected for you to ignore them even if they are blaring their horn. The horn is a warning that they are coming in your general direction, not a demand to get out of the way. This is only not true if it is a bus. Then you move.
**I will be adding to this list later. But for now I must digress...
Friday, July 1, 2011
Reflections
As this 'Farmville Part 2' chapter of my life comes to a close, I'm finding myself reflecting on it. Never did I imagine I was coming back here! I'm not saying this in a 'I dislike Farmville' sort of way but rather in a 'that wasn't the plan' sort of way.
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9
Funny how that happens. Being open to change is so important and I'm so thankful for the relationships that have been built up over this last year and a half, both old and new.
For one, I'm incredibly thankful to have been a part of Longwood Chi Alpha once again! Getting to see those that used to be the new underclassmen when I left rock out the leadership roles has been awesome! Then add others that were not even freshmen yet, seeing them grow into the community and also becoming my friends, and you've got another round of awesome!
It's weird to think about Gil and Lindsay leaving at the same time I am and realizing that their seven years of ministry at LU have been my seven years at LU. Sometimes I think the two of you know me better than I know myself! I'm very glad you're in my life!
And Michelle I'm glad that you've been a part of Farmville Part 2 as a sister and friend :) I'm also very excited for you to take care of Chi Alpha. And thank you thank you thank you for letting me stay at your house!!
And Annette I'm very thankful for the mentoring and friendship that you've provided people who have been mentors and friends in my life. I know it has indirectly made my life better and am glad to have finally really met you the somewhat mythical figure!
John, you didn't come from Chi Alpha (though you later integrated), but you were definitely a God-send kind of a boss and friend! I learned a lot from you!
Basically, pretty much everything that is awesome in Farmville Part 2 came directly or indirectly from Chi Alpha (much like Farmville Part 1) because of its focus on community and relationship building (I wish you were here! lol). Seriously though, I am so very thankful for Chi Alpha and all that has come with it. I know that I have gained many friends for life and am happy that it once again became part of the plan!
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9
Funny how that happens. Being open to change is so important and I'm so thankful for the relationships that have been built up over this last year and a half, both old and new.
For one, I'm incredibly thankful to have been a part of Longwood Chi Alpha once again! Getting to see those that used to be the new underclassmen when I left rock out the leadership roles has been awesome! Then add others that were not even freshmen yet, seeing them grow into the community and also becoming my friends, and you've got another round of awesome!
It's weird to think about Gil and Lindsay leaving at the same time I am and realizing that their seven years of ministry at LU have been my seven years at LU. Sometimes I think the two of you know me better than I know myself! I'm very glad you're in my life!
And Michelle I'm glad that you've been a part of Farmville Part 2 as a sister and friend :) I'm also very excited for you to take care of Chi Alpha. And thank you thank you thank you for letting me stay at your house!!
And Annette I'm very thankful for the mentoring and friendship that you've provided people who have been mentors and friends in my life. I know it has indirectly made my life better and am glad to have finally really met you the somewhat mythical figure!
John, you didn't come from Chi Alpha (though you later integrated), but you were definitely a God-send kind of a boss and friend! I learned a lot from you!
Basically, pretty much everything that is awesome in Farmville Part 2 came directly or indirectly from Chi Alpha (much like Farmville Part 1) because of its focus on community and relationship building (I wish you were here! lol). Seriously though, I am so very thankful for Chi Alpha and all that has come with it. I know that I have gained many friends for life and am happy that it once again became part of the plan!
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