Waking Up

Yesterday this came up back to back on my Facebook news feed:

Nady: "Preocuparse es como mecerse en una silla de abuelita, te mantiene ocupado pero no te lleva a ningun lado! J.M."

Rebekah: "Worry is like rocking in a rocking chair all day. It keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. -Joyce Meyer"

I did a double take (for those of you who don't speak Spanish, they mean the same thing!). Nady is a XA missionary in Nicaragua. Rebekah is my cousin in Tennessee. They don't know each other. (I even checked out 'shared friends' to make sure!) I commented something to this effect on their posts and Nady replied, "God speaks!" I guess so! But it didn't come together for me until this morning.

In the less than a week that I've been back I've had plenty of time to worry. Particularly in the last couple days. I don't feel like it's been an overwhelming worry but just enough to be slowly creeping in on me and taking over my mind. "What if I messed something up and my loan and/or visa fails?" "What if UCL doesn't come through on housing?" "What if I'm missing something and I don't know it?" "What if London is still rioting when I get there?" "What if my undergrad was a fluke and I'm actually not a good student?"

The temptation to go stir crazy is there. I've always been busy. Life has been full-throttle. My mom has said on multiple occasions that I like to "burn the candle at both ends." I've never had the problem of what to do with down time because it didn't exist. Then all of a sudden this summer I've had a ton of it. My job contract was up at the beginning of May and I couldn't renew because I'd be leaving for school at the end of August. And right now particularly I have no idea what to do with myself! I've been trying to think of ways to make myself busy!

"So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:31-34

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30

This summer has been good for me. It's forced me to slow down. It's taken me out of the world of competitiveness and into the world of relearning how to have fun. It's allowed me to notice more of the little things. It's taken me out of town and into the middle of no where. I like the middle of no where. I missed it while I was gone! It's going to be really weird spending a school year in the heart of London! Who would've thought this city/suburbia girl would come to find the prospect of leaving 'her' country roads daunting?? Oh Farmville, what have you done to me?!

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and also trust in me."
-John 14:1

I fell asleep at eight last night and could've gotten up at four but forced myself to at least stay in bed until after five. I give up on not getting up early. I like the solitude of the predawn and the quiet excitement of a sunrise. The peace and stillness in the air walking Maddy this morning was amazing. She had a lot of energy, so we went all the way to the lake.

I sat on a floating dock for awhile, still enjoying the calm and remnants of early morning air, watching the reflection of the trees in the water. It occurred to me that the less I moved the less the water moved and the clearer the reflection became. That's when God spoke. "Each of those ripples is a worry. And each of them distorts my image, your reflection of me. It's only when you stop moving that the details can come into focus."

"Be still, and know that I am God!"
-Psalm 46:10

Wow, and here I've been trying to think of ways to move more! I don't really think of myself as a worry wart, but being still and not busy doesn't exactly come naturally to me. Within this last week I've become obsessed with Needtobreathe's song "Slumber." Here's a verse:

"Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes. "

I think for me it's the slumber of busyness that I'm waking up from. It's blinded me from the simple things in life. For so long everything has been performance driven and over the top competitive. The world of scholarships and championships. Everything I did was directly correlated in some way towards being the best at something and everything. Whether on the sports field, in the classroom, or at work, I had to be perfect. There was no excuse to get scored on, get a 98 instead of 100, or not be stronger/faster than the athletes I was training. Thinking about it all now makes my head spin! I think I've been in detox this summer!

I'm waking up to how you can play sports competitively, yet just for fun. I'm waking up to how a day can be considered 'good,' yet not 'productive.' I'm waking up to how you can have a lazy morning, yet not feel guilty. I'm waking up to how you should work hard, yet not hinge your life on results. I hope I keep waking up and don't get sucked back in when school starts. I hope the light will reflect clearly off of me.

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
-John 14:27