Friday, March 3, 2017

Wait Expectantly

Currently, I'm in a season of waiting.  I know my time here expires in July, but I don't know what comes after.  Of course, I've been asking God.  I feel like a broken record continuously praying: "Hey God, where do I go from here?"  "Hey God, what's the plan?"  "Hi, it's me again.  Just wondering how these pieces fit together.  Looking forward to your reply."  "Hey God, I've got an idea.  Would love your input.  Call me."

And then God just says,
"Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act." (Psalm 37:7)

It's one of those non-answers that can drive you crazy, isn't it?  We come from a culture that loves to plan and have five, ten, or even lifetime plans all mapped out with every jot and tittle neatly in place.  I never realized how much of a cultural thing that is until living in China.  For example, I can surf the web right now and find academic calendars for schools in the US years ahead of time, but here there are rumors of when and how long holidays are -- sometimes even right up to within days of them.  For people new to working in China, this can be maddening.  For those of us who are China veterans, it's not ideal but we're used to it.

I've come to expect last minute (and often not thought through) decisions in the Chinese workplace.  Therefore, I can take my job here one day at a time, knowing that plans are written in pencil and accept that there's nothing I can do about it.  In fact, I am hesitant to plan anything more than a week out.  But for some reason, I have been oscillating between peace in trusting God with an unknown future (months in advance) and having to force myself to relax when I realize I've been clenching my jaw for an unknown period of time.  Why is it so difficult to fully and completely surrender saying, "God I trust you.  My future is in your hands"?  No matter how many times He has come through for me and clearly ordered my footsteps in the past, I still have a nagging deep inside which wonders if He will do it again this time.

As I've pondered this, I've begun to have a bit more compassion for the Israelites throughout Scripture.  How many times after God performed a great miracle did they turn back to self-pity and self-reliance for the next problem instead of giving it to God, trusting him to come through just as He always had before?  Sometimes it had been a long time between miracles or prophets, so the Israelites in question hadn't personally experienced the testimonies handed down to them.  But other times, the very people who had been in the midst of great miracles doubted God would come through for them the next time around.

The generation of Israelites Moses led out of Egypt is an example.  They witnessed the plagues God sent against Egypt, walked on dry land through the Red Sea, watched God destroy the Egyptian army in the very same sea and then they accused God of leading them into the wilderness to die when the only water they found was bitter.  God, of course, miraculously came through and made the water good to drink (Exodus 15:22-27).  Then (Exodus 16) He provided manna and quail from Heaven to feed them.  Each day they ate the manna God faithfully provided.  Each day the Israelites experienced a miraculous provision of their daily needs; however, one chapter later, they are thirsty again and can't find water.  Do they trust God to provide (and maybe even ask politely?) as he not only provided water two chapters before but also met so many other needs throughout the journey (including the food they had eaten that very day)?  Nope.  They complain to and blame Moses for trying to kill them by bringing them out of Egypt!

Another example which comes to mind is from the New Testament.  In Matthew 14 Jesus has been preaching to a huge crowd of 5,000 men and their families when the topic of what's for dinner comes up.  The disciples want him to send people away to find food, but Jesus says, "That isn't necessary -- you feed them."  Now I must say, if I had been one of those disciples I would have thought he was off his rocker at that moment as well.  Of course they point out to him that they only have five loaves of bread and two fish.  But Jesus responds by doing the impossible, providing enough for everyone to eat all that they wanted and leftovers for later.

Could you imagine being there watching him tear enough pieces off of one loaf of bread to feed more than 1,000 people?  Or make a fish stretch to feed more than 2,500 people??  The people sitting in the front of the crowd must have seen it happening.  Just imagine the whispers and rumors slowly making their way to the back of the crowd.  I imagine those in the back thought the message had gotten garbled through a massive game of telephone!  The disciples, on the other hand, definitely understood a miracle was happening as they had the task of distributing the insane amount of food and knew how much they had started with.  They certainly got their 10,000 steps in that day as they went back and forth, back and forth with a seemingly never ending supply of bread and fish coming from Jesus going out to a sea of people stretching into the distance.  It would have been memorable to say the least!!

That being said, one chapter later we find ourselves in déjà vu: Jesus has been preaching to a (mere) crowd of 4,000 men and their families.  He calls together his disciples and says, "Hey guys, these people must be hungry.  Let's feed them."  It's the perfect opportunity for the disciples to apply what they learned from the first lesson, right?  I mean, don't you expect a disciple to be like, "Awesome!  I've got a loaf of bread.  Here Jesus, take it.  Do that thing you did last time -- that was so cool!!!  Who else has something??"  But instead they reply, "Where would we get enough food here in the wilderness for such a huge crowd?"  It makes you want to facepalm, doesn't it?  Jesus, however, patiently responds by asking how much bread they have and miraculously providing again.  

So the disciples finally learned, right?  Nope.  Just a chapter later, they are traveling when they realize no one had brought any bread and begin to argue with each other about it.  You can hear the exasperation in Jesus' reply: "You have so little faith!  Why are you arguing with each other about having no bread?  Don't you understand even yet?  Don't you remember the 5,000 I fed with five loaves, and the baskets of leftovers you picked up?  Or the 4,000 I fed with seven loaves and the large basket of leftovers you picked up?"  Ouch.  Burn.  

Meanwhile, we (I assume I'm not the only one to do this) sit here shaking our head at them and the Israelites in Exodus as we read, saying to ourselves that we would have learned by then.  But would we have?  I can't help but wonder how many times I've made God want to facepalm and say, "Don't you understand even yet??"  And then my response would start off something like, "But this is different..."  But is it really?  All of this boils down to do I/we trust in the goodness of God our Creator.  Not do I believe in God or do I believe he has the power to do these things but will he continue to provide.  Will he continue to faithfully work out his plan for my life -- not just the lives of others -- and in a good way?  The Israelites He rescued out of Egypt needed to trust in God's goodness to lead them to the Promised Land safely and not abandon them in the desert.  The disciples needed to trust in God's goodness to provide exactly what was needed when it was needed at all times, not just that He would do it as an one-off event and abandon them the next time.  

God has provided for me in every transition I've had in life.  Every time He has come through at exactly the right time with what I've needed.  Why would he not do it this time?  I want to know the answers now, but if God hasn't revealed them yet, I don't need to know yet.  Notice, he led me to Psalm 37:7 ("Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act." -- emphasis added), not Psalm 46:10 ("Be still and know that I am God!").  He knows me.  I like action.  But He also knows that waiting periods are learning periods.  Thankfully, God is patient because sometimes I'm not the best student.  I am learning to be still.  I am learning to be patient.  I am learning to trust more.  And I am learning to dwell on the goodness of God.

This began at my last transition in late September/ early October when I didn't know what to do.  There is a song titled "King of my Heart" which repeatedly declares to God "You are good."  There's just something about declaring that simple statement that is so powerful.  This mantra got me through that transition, and it is still relevant now.  He is the Good Father who gives good gifts to His children.  I think the key to joy in every situation is to dwell on the goodness of God.  No situation can change His goodness.  It is eternal and unchangeable -- a constant is a chaotic world which brings hope in all things. 

In Psalm 5:3 David wrote: "Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly."  Wait expectantly -- not just wait.  Wait expectantly for God in his goodness to respond and provide at exactly the right time and in the right way.  His decisions are not half-baked last minute ideas of human thought.  They are perfectly planned in every way, and the parade of testimonies coming from his people and Scripture attests to this.  Therefore, this is where I am right now: I am waiting expectantly for the wonderful things ahead, dwelling in the presence of my Good Father, trusting Him with my future, and looking forward to being able to share another testimony of his provision, leading, and divine wisdom -- a testimony declaring the goodness of God.

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